If we were pioneers-

If we were pioneers. . .

I s'pose we'd call this the ole' Bunker homestead.

If we were pioneers. . .

we'd put Miss Avery on kindling duty since she took to it so well.

While she'd be pickin' up them cow pies

Austin could hunt down them buffalo

with his rootin' tootin' high falutin' rubber band gun.

If we were pioneers. . .

heck, I reckon we'd probably put Avery in charge of finding our water hole too,

she spotted it right away

(notice our covered wagon parked out yonder)

while Austin, on the other hand,

would probably die of being "soooo fursty"

What can I say,

this kid doesn't take too kindly to being parched.

If we were pioneers. . .

we woman folk probably wouldn't be smilin.'

Seriously.

Cleanin', cookin', birthin', motherin', sewin', slaughterin', laundry. . .in'

in the sweltering heat AND in the freezing cold

(this mama had a migraine and

come night fall she was ready to hit the hay)

If we were pioneers. . .

Avery would be a gonner.

Dead as a doornail.

Yup, snake bite.

Poor thang, didn't even see it hidin' there 'tween the corn bread.

If we were pioneers. . .

Austin wouldn't mind eatin'

his poor snake-bitten sister's helpin'

of corn bread nor would he probably mind getting first dibs

on riding shotgun in the covered wagon.

If we were pioneers. . .

We decided our poor Einstein of a pooch

wouldn't make it past the homestead.

He'd go chargin' after some jack rabbit

or get distracted by some gopher

or worse yet, we'd find him chowin' down on our 3-months worth

of food rations in a single meal.

We'd be stuck crossin' the plains eatin' dog.

If we were pioneers. . .

we probably wouldn't be eatin' no homemade ice cream

nor shakin' no bag to make it neither

nor would we be topping it with

chocolate syrup and crushed Butterfingers

Happy Pioneer Day from the Bunkers!

And of course,

many, many, many thanks

to the REAL Bunker, Dean and Stotts pioneers

who came across the plains,

sacrificed so much and

went through trials that stunk to high heaven

so we Bunkers (thank goodness!) don't have to.